Title: Dance for the Brokenhearted. (PT 06)
Author: kyuppuccino
Pairing: Zhou Mi / Kyuhyun
Extra: NC-17-rated (barely graphic sex) / AU


I wanted to be saved, gege.

Once again, Zhou Mi was staring at the scar disfiguring Kyuhyun's flesh, the same he had seen just moments before, and that he seemed to be unable to erase from his memory. It wasn't his fault, but he had been the cause of it, and it was weighing on his heart too heavily for him to ignore.

"But I didn't know, Kui Xian." Zhou Mi reminded him sternly, though his gaze was filled with concern. "I wasn't there! How couldㅡ"

"Exactly! You weren't there, Zhou Mi! You weren't there for me when I needed you the most." Kyuhyun's body shook with rage when he interrupted the other. He knew damn well that the older boy couldn't be aware of when, where, and why his ex-lover would want to slit his wrists, yet he was too angry to let him get away with the guilt. That day, he had foolishly hoped Zhou Mi would come rescue him, and with that feeble ray of hope in his heart, he hadn't locked the door to the bathroom, nor that of the dorm entrance.

This time I would lock the door.

It had been horrible to be alone, waiting for something to happen, while he kept falling in and out of consciousness. There was a moment Kyuhyun regretted it, and he clutched at the fresh wound trying to stop the flowing of the blood, eventually breaking down due to his inability to fix it. Apparently, it was too late to fix anything.

You're so stupid, Kyuhyun.

When Zhou Mi's hands rubbed Kyuhyun's thighs reassuringly, to remind him that he was there now, the younger's mind was suddenly violated by images of their first time together. They had been dating for five months already, but Kyuhyun ㅡ a little virgin at that time ㅡ was too afraid of disappointing to let himself go and relax in the other's arms.

The Chinese had been very patient, too patient even. They'd hang out with friends, go clubbing, or to the movies, and Zhou Mi would always drink a little, inevitably ending up feeling hot, and mildly aroused. Kyuhyun didn't mind, he'd let him do things: he would touch him, and kiss him, and his throat would emit beautiful, sinful, sweet sounds that composed melodies in Zhou Mi's head. However, there was never a final release, and that was possibly more frustrating than the complete lack of sex in a relationship.

Every single time Kyuhyun would pull away, and come back to his senses just moments before the real act; Zhou Mi, on the other hand, would be back to square one, but with a raging, uncomfortable, and painful hard on. After three months since they had been getting intimate with each other, the older boy had lost count of how many times he had had to walk into Kyuhyun's restroom, and take care of his little problem himself.

The day Kyuhyun gave himself to the Chinese, however, was one of the older's most beautiful moments in his life. The younger had been the one to propose, the one to produce ㅡ much to Zhou Mi's shock ㅡ lube and a condom from his bag. He had also been the one to cry out, and beg wantonly for more when Zhou Mi was pounding into him, hands on his thighs, and mouths connected in a fierce kiss. It had hurt the first time, but it felt good too; and ever since that time, Zhou Mi's face had never failed to look down at Kyuhyun lovingly, as he screamed his name in sheer pleasure. It was something the younger boy just couldn't forget.

Kui Xian Kui Xian Kui Xian.

"Hey, Kui Xian..?" Zhou Mi questioned the other, trying to grab his attention ㅡ Kyuhyun seemed distant, and he appeared to be in a completely different world. The Chinese was afraid the younger might begin to have difficulty breathing, as it had happened on more than one occasion while they were arguing. "Are you with me?" Zhou Mi patted the other's thighs, and when that didn't get much of a reaction, he snapped his fingers in front of his face, finally succeeding in getting Kyuhyun's eyes to focus on him again.

The younger felt dizzy, and lightheaded, he wasn't one to take pressure and stress well. Kyuhyun suffered from hyperventilation syndrome, or something like that ㅡ he never really understood much of what the doctors said, nor was he interested in knowing for all that mattered. He weakly pushed Zhou Mi away, but the latter didn't relent, and stayed with him.

Zhou Mi helped Kyuhyun lay down, taking his hands in his, and telling him to relax. Nevertheless, soon the younger boy lost sensibility in his fingers, then his feet, and the numbness spread through all of his limbs. His body started shaking horribly, and the feeling of being barely able to breathe caused tears to stream down his cheeks freely. There was a stinging pain in his chest, as if someone was sitting on him, and his head threatened to split open with a piercing headache.

"M-mi.. Mi.. can't b-brea-" Kyuhyun slurred, trying to get the words out, but finding it impossible at that moment.

Title: Dance for the Brokenhearted. (PT 05)
Author: kyuppuccino
Pairing: Zhou Mi / Kyuhyun
Extra: R-rated (for cussing and hints of sex) / AU


"I don't want your pity," Kyuhyun snapped at the Chinese, and rubbed his wrist, pulling the sleeve over it quickly to hide the traces of the worst days of his life. "Or whatever it is that you're feeling."

It had been Siwon to find him in the bathtub ㅡ a classic scene from the movies, with the only difference that Kyuhyun's existence was real, not fictional ㅡ he was semi-unconscious, fully clothed, and with crimson rivulets of blood running down his arm. The blood had stained the carpet, and the flawless porcelain of the tiles were tinged red as well. Thankfully, the razorablde hadn't cut too deep, but the loss had been enough to knock the boy out for a few hours, and paint the bathroom a bright, new colour.

All the younger boy could remember of that day, though, was the faint noise of the sirens of an ambulance, Siwon's hand holding tightly onto his, and images of Zhou Mi smiling at him. However, Zhou Mi wasn't really there, and was never told that his lover (or, ex lover?) had been hospitalized for attempted suicide.

"I miss you." Zhou Mi's voice came in a breathy whisper, interrupting Kyuhyun's thoughts, and urging him to concentrate on the present now. "I miss you, Kui Xian." The Chinese name made the younger boy's heart skip a beat, and he gasped when Zhou Mi's arms reached behind him, and wrapped around his waist, making it impossible to breathe.

Kyuhyun could no longer see Zhou Mi's features, once the latter buried his face in his lap, and held tighter onto his waist. The older boy's long fingers were fisted in Kyuhyun's shirt, clearly refusing to let go, and it felt uncomfortable, and awkward. He tried to shift position with some difficulty, but found that he couldn't move his legs, so he stayed as he was, with a lapful of Zhou Mi.

It's not that Kyuhyun was slow, but it took him a moment to react, as he had to fight with his own feelings and conscience, internally. But then his hands were on Zhou Mi's shoulders, pushing and shoving, as he pleaded and begged him to let go. "Don't, Zhou Mi." Kyuhyun murmured weakly in a broken voice, "Let go, don't do this to me! Please.."

"I miss you." The Chinese repeated into Kyuhyun's groin, voice muffled and just as broken, but determined and sincere. "I miss you, I'm sorry. I can't carry on without you, Kui Xian, I just can't." The younger boy stopped pushing at Zhou Mi's shoulders, his hands fisted into the older's hair instead, and bent down to rest his cheek on it.

"Why are you doing this to me, Zhou Mi.. why?"

Because I miss the sound of your laughter when I'm clumsy, I miss your smile when I'm making love to you, and I miss the child-like light in your eyes, Kui Xian. Your hands on my skin, your warmth in my bed, your crude comments as we're watching TV, and your head on my chest.. I miss it all. I miss waking up next to you, and being late for class, I miss studying with you, and I miss your texts when I'm at work.

"Let's go back, Kui Xian." Zhou Mi sobbed loudly, gasping for breath after his seemingly endless monologue ㅡ most of which Kyuhyun couldn't even remember, because he did not want to remember, he really didn't want to fall prey to that old game again. "If you want to keep our love a secret, I'm ok with it.. I'll never leave you again."

Kyuhyun's hands gripped Zhou Mi's hair painfully hard, causing the older to wince, but he didn't try to pull away. How convenient was that to say, as if Kyuhyun could predict the future, and be sure he'll never get hurt again. He didn't want to be subject to more pain, he didn't want to get hurt anymore. Oh, how many times had his head told him.

"I can't, Zhou Mi." The younger choked out, straightening in his seat and forcing the older's head up to stare into his eyes, "You will just hurt me more, I'm not an idiot."

"No.." Zhou Mi wailed, shaking Kyuhyun lightly, "Nonono, believe me, Kui Xian."

"If I believed you, but then you hurt me again.." Kyuhyun sighed, and caressed Zhou Mi's cheek fondly, watching him nuzzle his palm, then kiss it sweetly. "This time I would lock the door."

"W-what do you mean?" Zhou Mi asked confusedly, giving the younger a weird look.

"I wanted to be saved, gege." Kyuhyun smiled at his former lover sadly, and as tears began to roll down his cheeks once more, he rose his arm and forced the other to face his wrist, and the ugly scar that adorned it. "I wanted to be saved."

Title: Dance for the Brokenhearted. (PT 04)
Author: kyuppuccino
Pairing: Zhou Mi / Kyuhyun
Extra: R-rated (for cussing and hints of sex) / AU


That afternoon Kyuhyun left the bookstore without sparing his former lover one last glance (little did the Chinese know that the younger's eyes were glistening with unshed tears). He flew past the sliding doors, and just walked, walked, and walked through hoards of smiling people doing their Christmas shopping. Luckily, his college wasn't far from there, and in a matter of minutes he was on his knees, on the floor of a rather dirty stall of the first restroom he found.

Once emptied of all the acids and saliva in his stomach, he got up on shaky legs, wiped at his lips with the back of his hand, and rinsed his mouth with the disgusting water running in the sink. The stained mirror showed the pale, sickly face of a young man whose sad eyes were now red and puffy. Tears freely streamed down his cheeks now and, although he had never been much for vanity, he had to admit that he looked quite the mess. Screw class, Kyuhyun thought, clutching his wrist, where an old scar wouldn't stop stinging. I can't be fucked being social today.

After Kyuhyun left the store, Zhou Mi couldn't recall why he had walked in himself, much less if it was important (the only reminiscence he had was that of a book with pictures of buildings and skies). His eyes fell on a piece of crumpled paper on the ground, and after picking it up, he straightened the creases to read in Kyuhyun's neat handwriting:

► Rodden "The Politics of Literary Reputation"
► Hawthorne "Wakefield"
► notebooks / pens / green(?) highlighter
► chewing gums / cigarettes


*


"When did you start smoking?" A voice resonated through the room, icy and angry.

"How in the hell did you get in?" Kyuhyun growled, recognizing the accented tone immediately. Fear and shock pervaded his senses, as his eyes scanned the mildly lit room, unable to see much of it. He blindly searched for the lightswitch, and soon everything was much clearer. On his bed sat Zhou Mi ㅡ next to him was his backpack, along with a plastic bag from which a few pens were sticking out. When Kyuhyun took a few steps closer, he noticed it wasn't just a bunch of pens, but also a couple of books, as well as notebooks, and highlighters in every form and colour the market could offer.

"Your roommate let me in," The older boy said casually, though his eyes never quit glaring at Kyuhyun. "Nice guy. Tall too, and quite handsome." He added with a smirk.

"Great." Kyuhyun muttered, dropping his bag and coat on the carpet. He sat cross-legged on the bed across Zhou Mi's, and while still refusing to meet his eyes, he whispered can't even trust that idiot of Siwon now.

"Don't be mad at him. He liked my accent, did you know he speaks a little Chinese?" The older laughed bitterly, finding it impossibly hard to derive any pleasure from teasing, or cracking jokes. "Are you fucking him?"

"That's none of your business anymore, jerk." Kyuhyun spat distastefully, feeling offended by such accusations.

"When did you start smoking?" Zhou Mi demanded again, more insistently this time. "You didn't answer me."

"Oh, let me think." The younger rubbed his chin thoughtfully, before mustering up the courage to be sarcastic himself. "About three months ago, I think. Now, why that rings a bell, I don't know.."

"Quit."

"Oh, sorry mom." Kyuhyun bowed his head weakly, "But your son's quite depending on the nicotine now." And after a pause, he added a sincere, heartfelt fuck you, Zhou Mi for the second time that day.

The Chinese reacted quickly: he lunged himself at the other boy, and backhanded him, striking his cheek with a bit more strength than he intended. There was a moment of stillness, Kyuhyun's head was tilted to the side, the abused flesh was reddening already, and he had to summon all his willpower to keep from crying, or showing any sign of discomfort.

"Get. The fuck. Out." The younger whispered, and as he pointed at the door to get the message across, the material of his sweater rode up a bit, revealing a frail wrist.

"What the fuck is this?" Zhou Mi gasped loudly, and grabbed Kyuhyun's arm to inspect it, gently rubbing a finger along the scar.

"I fell on a knife." Kyuhyun replied sharply, and pulled his arm back in a defensive manner. "What the hell does it look like to you? It's nothing."

"You're so stupid, Kyuhyun."

Title: Dance for the Brokenhearted. (PT 03)
Author: kyuppuccino
Pairing: Zhou Mi / Kyuhyun
Extra: R-rated (for cussing and hints of sex) / AU


Can we talk?

Kyuhyun stood there, with his head tilted to the side, and a look of confusion painted on his beautiful face. Can we talk? Was he being serious because, really, the situation seemed quite surreal considering he had tried to contact the older boy many, many times to ask for forgiveness, but was always pushed away rather brutally, and coldly. Can we talk? Was it a joke or something? Why would you kick a puppy that has been faithful to you for years, and then pet its head, and ask it to trust you again as if you never struck it. Can we talk? Can we talk? Can we talk? Zhou Mi's fingers around his wrist were burning his skin.

"Can you get out of my sight?" Kyuhyun heard himself ask aloud as he yanked his arm free from the grasp the other had on him. Then, he turned his back on the Chinese boy, and took a step to move away already, "I don't want to see you, but there's a book I need for class."

Inevitably, Zhou Mi's jaw dropped, but he kept his cool; he didn't think Kyuhyun would react so coldly, even if he knew he must've been angry for having been left behind. "Why are you doing this?" The older boy rose his voice and closed his fist around Kyuhyun's wrist once again, tugging at it until they were facing each other again. "We need to talk, Kui Xian."

"Don't call me that, Zhou Mi."

Well, that hurt; the older boy couldn't remember a day he had called his lover by his Korean name ever since they met.

Zhou Mi's eyes travelled along Kyuhyun's body from head to toe, and his breath caught in his throat when he saw the shoes. How such an insignificant detail could bring back incredibly painful memories was beyond the older boy's comprehension. It was the night of Sung Sikyung's concert.. the only night Kyuhyun told him they could be lovers until midnight, like a Cinderella story.

That night they were sitting next to each other, and the younger boy leant his head on Zhou Mi's shoulder only two minutes into the first song his favourite artist was performing. That night Kyuhyun softly sang to his lover: he sang every song, every note, every word into the other's skin. He sang of vanilla love, popcorn, and angelic smiles; but he also sang of goodbyes, loneliness, and guilt. It was like a premonition, a bittersweet one neither would have ever imagined before.

"Can you please hear me out?" Zhou Mi whimpered, eyes pleading and scared. "Please, ..Kyu-kyuhyun?"

"Look, I have to be in class in fifteen." The younger boy threw in nonchalantly, as if the person he was now pushing away wasn't the one he attempted suicide for just a couple of months before. "Let go."

"Give me five minutes, Kyuhyun. Five minutes, just five!" Zhou Mi pleaded again, and when the other didn't reply, he tried to settle for three.

"Fuck you, Zhou Mi." Kyuhyun spat reproachfully, glaring at him with so much hatred he felt he might burst into flames. "You're too late."

Title: Dance for the Brokenhearted. (PT 02)
Author: kyuppuccino
Pairing: Zhou Mi / Kyuhyun
Extra: R-rated (for cussing and hints of sex) / AU


Although they lived in the same city, and shared the same interests, it wasn't until three months later that Zhou Mi met Kyuhyun again. It happened on a cold Winter day, when Christmas decorations were everywhere, no matter at which angle you'd rotate your neck. The older boy was flipping through a thick architecture photobook at a fairly large bookstore, feigning interest in the subject. To be honest, it had been a while since anything had managed to catch his attention and keep him concentrated, or on topic for longer than three minutes. Everything reminded him of Kyuhyun, everything, and even if he had been the one to blatantly lie as to break it off with him, there was an overwhelming feeling of emptiness in his everyday life that he couldn't just get rid of.

The moment Kyuhyun walked in, Zhou Mi looked up as if on instinct, as if something told him that the root of his existential problems had just formulated a few metres from him. Their eyes locked, and to the Chinese boy that seemed like a sign. He mouthed hello to him, but little did he know that to Kyuhyun it looked nothing like a friendly gesture, but rather the gaping mouth of a very surprised fish.

Seeing Zhou Mi without prior notice was awkward, the younger boy was definitely unprepared. It had been difficult to stop calling him and visiting him after having been rejected numerous times and, obviously, he felt humiliated. When they broke up, Kyuhyun's calls went unanswered for the most part; the sole times the older boy dared to pick up, it was only to growl an exasperated quit calling me into the receiver. Thus, in this case, the only logical thing to do in Kyuhyun's mind seemed that of pretending to not have seen, and just do as originally planned: go in, find book, pay, leave, forgetforgetforget.

When Zhou Mi noticed Kyuhyun walk away, he fought to put the artbook back on the shelf as quickly as possible, as to not lose sight of the younger boy. He followed him; followed him until Kyuhyun spun around, coming face to face with the other, and he realized he couldn't escape. Neither of them could any more.

When their eyes met again, the younger boy was unable to tell how his past lover was feeling in reality; as for himself, though, images he had desperately tried to forget began to play in his mind, and suddenly his stomach was doing flips.

Zhou Mi's eyes were telling him stories about the night they went to the movies and kissed for the first time, or about that time the older kissed his forehead in public and he got angry with him for fear of getting judged by friends, or about the day it was raining so hard and they ran home, divested themselves of all clothes and made love, despite their shivering, cold bodies. So many stories Kyuhyun wanted to forget, but just couldn't.

"Kui Xian.." Zhou Mi murmured, grabbing the younger's wrist, "Can we talk?"

Title: Dance for the Brokenhearted. (PT 01)
Author: kyuppuccino
Pairing: Zhou Mi / Kyuhyun
Extra: R-rated (for cussing and hints of sex) / AU


"I love you." Kyuhyun whispered desperately, yet firmly, as he stared into Zhou Mi's eyes in search of an emotion. "I love you, I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I know it's stupid to tell you only now, I know you said it's over, I know, I know. But can you.. please, Mi, I love you, you were right all along. I really love you."

The older boy took an uncertain step back, shaking his head as he looked down at his feet. He didn't want to deal with this anymore, it hurt too much; all of the hiding, all of the broken promises, it wasn't what he wanted. He couldn't do it; he never thought that loving Kyuhyun would hurt, never knew what it would've been like. Deep down, Zhou Mi believed he deserved more than fleeting kisses and passing fancies.

Two years had gone by; two years in which Zhou Mi had to play the role of Kyuhyun's best friend in public, laughing at his jokes, and keeping his hands to himself even under the table. But once in bed, for two long years, it was Zhou Mi who would make Kyuhyun scream, and it was Zhou Mi who would give him all the pleasure he sought. It was always Zhou Mi who would have strong thighs tightened against his sides, and an arching body in his arms, as he fucked Kyuhyun until it hurt to move a muscle.

"Don't, Kui Xian. It's over, it's truly over this time." Zhou Mi hissed, and slapped Kyuhyun's hand away when the latter tried to interwine their fingers. His heart skipped a beat, then he murmured.. I fucked my ex yesterday night.

Kyuhyun's eyes filled with tears, but he never stopped challenging Zhou Mi's, hoping to find the hint of a lie.

Upon finding nothing but a cold and empty stare, he got in his car, and drove off.

Never mind that Kyuhyun was Zhou Mi's first.